It took 7 entrance exams for me to realise that the fact “it’s difficult” and the fact “you know you might not achieve it”, should not stop you from trying. It should not stop you from giving your best.
I had nothing to lose but I was afraid so I did not give my 100%. I gave up too early while preparing for previous exams.
CLAT, one of the most important law exam is in two days and I am still afraid but at least now I am trying.
Somewhere I know I might not be selected because I wasn’t consistent earlier, also I attempted a mock recently and scored 45 out of 150 while at least 90 is required.
Procrastination didn’t stop me, fear of failure did.
I thought faliure would bring embarrassment (yes it does) and I thought I don’t deserve it or no matter how much I try, I won’t achieve it or may be it’s not meant for me.
Hence, I tried to seek validation for my fear, for my inablity to TRY. I tried to distract myself with short term pleasures by social media or watching Netflix series and movies.
I won’t lie, I do regret it a bit. But at least I more or less know what to persue, as earlier chosing the path was itself a task.
“When you are unable to achieve something you desired, you try to justify it to the other people but what you fail to realise is, that at the end it’s all about YOU.”
I don’t want give excuses to myself, nor should anyone else. I don’t want to disappoint my family who have expectations from me..
I don’t even feel like sharing this with people anymore because I have tried earlier and they don’t seem to understand or even if they do, I am unaware of what I want them to respond.
Irony right?! “I can’t tell it to anyone so I would post it on internet for everyone to read”
Is “fear of failure” even a real thing?!
Well, fear of falling asleep (called Somniphobia) exists! This MUST be a thing.
PS : I just checked, it IS a thing…
Extreme fear of failure is called atychiphobia. (This deserves some more research and I would be happy to volunteer for the work after 3 days!!)
Till then stay safe and try to either leave or solve your prolems just don’t live with them. I’ll try the same. 😉